Friday, May 06, 2005

Feeling Blue

If you've been reading my past entries, you'd know that I've just started my last year of med school as a clerk (junior intern to some). It's been taking so much of my energy (waaay too much energy!) and my time but in all fairness, i've really enjoyed the work, especially the time with patients. The trade off was the fact that I'm in the hospital 7 days a week now. We have duties even on Sunday mornings (sometimes even the whole day Sunday), a time I held sacred and inviolable, set apart for church, for the past 23 years of my life (actually, 21 years, if i remove the 2 years of college ROTC). i've been back to my real home in Pasig once since April 15 and i've really missed my bed and home cooked food. What i really miss the most though are the people.

thank God for george (see previous entry)! Recently, we got our apartment wired with dsl and I've been on the internet for some time, checking emails and just basically touching base with people I've missed (well, most of them). i feel saddest when i'm alone in the apartment (when my roommate's on 24 hour duty), with no one to talk to, and thoughts of home and church surface on my mind. i've received bits and pieces of news from home and church but actually being there in person is still very different.

before i began my year of clerkship, i told a close friend i was really apprehensive to start the year because i'd be away from so many people i love. he said that the beauty of change is that we will always adapt. i believe him. but right now, i haven't adjusted well yet to the fact that i'm away from my family and close friends. truth be told, in the rare times i feel absolutely homesick, i sometimes do what every full grown man sometimes has to: shed exactly 2 drops of tears, one from each eye (;-p). and this from a guy who plans to go abroad for residency training! the whole feeling blue thing wouldn't be half as bad if i knew it would only be for a year. but i'm certain this would be the kind of life i'll be living in the next few years, as long as i'm in training. interns and residents don't get sundays off.

i'm told people from church miss me. the members of the youth group i left behind at church made a present for me. it was supposed to be a surprise but someone had a slip of the tongue so i knew about it prematurely. i'm excited to actually receive the present. it feels good to be missed but it feels really awful to miss people.

it's only been close to 3 weeks since i started. i'm probably going to get around the whole feeling blue thing. i just don't think it would be anytime soon. the price i'm paying for the white coat seems awfully high. i really don't mind, i'm willing to pay. but not minding isn't the same as not feeling the pain.

1 comment:

wickedsis said...

like you said, there are tradeoffs for the white coat. you know it's woth it... hang in there dear :)