Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Dead Tired

I'm tired and I so want this week to end. Ever hear the cliche 'so near yet so far'? That thought keeps running through my head these days. It's our last school day on Friday and in the days leading to that, I still have so much to do. Those reading this will probably think that I'm just gonna rant about the toxicity of med school. Well, yeah, but this week, I'm extraordinarily loaded with stuff to do I literally do not know what to prioritize. In fact, I don't even feel like a med student anymore, with the nature of things I have to do (read on...). If I may use my current state of fatigue as an excuse for just a little while (say, 2 paragraphs?) and set aside God's awesome power in my life and His ability to order all things, I'd like to write about how everything's messed up.

This module (Community Medicine) has been one looong and insanely busy 4 weeks. We're in the last week and of all the requirements we need to accomplish (roughly 10 items, e.g., videos, papers, presentations, etc), we've only been able to finish about 4 or 5. We finished our Seminar last Friday and the video presentation for Occupational Health Block this morning. We have a research paper presentation later today; I haven't even read that paper. Tomorrow, we should finish the paper on Social Block (about a community diagnosis/analysis). On Thursday, we talk to families from a depressed community. We've been in their community the past 3 weeks and the culminating event is that one on Thursday. I'm coordinating that whole thing. On Thursday afternoon, we have a huge exam in Surgery -- I am totally not prepared for that; I haven't even read a single chapter. On Friday morning, we take the final exam in Community Medicine. Then we're off to Intramuros to prepare for the fashion show, which begins at 8pm. The preparation for that fashion show has taken so much of my time these past few months that I'm just glad it will all be over on Friday. Everything for this sem. Done and over with.

I lack sleep. I have bouts of headache. I'm confused as to what to do first. I've been hot headed a few times and have blown people off on some occasions. I've been continuously irritable these past few days, as if my body's one whole raw nerve exposed to the elements. If there is any feeling in me greater than my state of fatigue, it's the feeling of wanting this week to end, because with it comes the end of this semester, and the end of my work as Logistics person for AMSA (notice how I single out this one event). On top of all that, some thoughts have been disturbing me lately. Not things about myself. Let's just say it's about people very close to me. I suspect something but I have no one to talk to about it because I feel it's a very delicate matter, one which could potentially ruin friendships. And with that, I think I've said enough. Hehe.

In the totality of things, I think I continue to press on because I know that the strength I have comes from the Lord. Despite all the chaos I am in, the Lord is my stronghold and my Rock. Once I am reminded of that, and how this week and this module are so insignificant in the grander scheme of things in my life, in God's greater plan for me, I feel comforted. Three days isn't very long. It will be here soon. I just wish it was here now.

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